Whom Did I Fell In Love With?

Finding love or being in relationships has become very difficult for me at this stage of my life. Covid has changed everything around us. The way we live our lives is different and expect it to be more different in the future. This pandemic, I am sure many relationships on this planet got clarity, as for where their relationships heading. Some are still together and happy or some separated and sad.

What about those who never got married, and are single, and still looking for the One? They either go for the dating apps or their last option is marriage apps. I have seen my friends who found good friends on dating apps. But how about those who do not believe in Online dating or marriage apps?

 

 

It’s not easy, a person needs a lot of patience and must say should have a lot of balls, when it comes to online dating. It terrifies me. And I am scared of online dating or enrolling myself in a matrimonial site. It's obvious, these are the platforms where most of the frauds take place. And most of the time, it’s not the same person who they say they are. The situation of the world has changed in many ways and it’s scary sometimes. What if I end up with a person like “Tinder Swindler”? The documentary is available on Netflix. Do watch it, you will understand where I am coming from. 

So, is it a reason? Why I am still single and alone, for not trying dating apps? Well, time will tell.

However, staying alone can be a bit challenging and we need to be very careful every step of our lives. But, in the mean time, you do get the opportunity to discover yourself , love yourself. Which is very important; I feel if you can't love yourself what are the chances that you can love the people around you. My journey has been with all kinds of ups and downs. And, I won't say I have never broken down, I did most of the time in my life but I never kept two options in my life, during this kind of breakdown." I WILL FACE IT" that’s my motto and my affirmation to keep me moving on and looking for the ONE. I know it is very easy to say or write.

But all I am trying to say is that" THIS IS LIFE". Nothing goes the way we plan but, we need to live it, not everyone gets the opportunity to experience life. I am sure this pandemic has made us realize that by now. Life is unpredictable.

I love my life, though I have been through many peaks and valleys in life. But I never gave up on life or hope, I never gave up on Love either. Though many times my heart was broken and my trust was broken. I still kept looking for my Man. Because I believe and I know there is someone somewhere made for me. Man, who can offer love and his loyalty.

I have been single for a long time, that last relationship ended in 2018. His name? Not important anymore. He cheated on me, and just two days before Valentine's Day. Well, he did come back, which everyone does. I was happy, but since my trust was broken along with my heart, I was not sure, whether I should give him a 2nd chance. Cause after all these it is quite difficult to pretend or even feel that everything will be the same. Let's face the fact, you have to start fresh but with the same person. So, my question is, why not start fresh with someone new?

Well, I feel I compromised, thinking that we have spent so many years together and know so much about each other, so why not give a 2nd Chance. That’s exactly what I did. Bottom line. I was a bit tired, of all my men cheating on me, and starting fresh with someone new, I felt its again going to take a few more years to know each other. And there is no guarantee if that's going to work or not? I did not feel like going through the same lane again. I guess.

Meantime, I also felt that we never get 2nd chance, and its rare. So I took him back. Thinking it will work out just fine. No one is perfect and no was is pure. But the worst part is I was right. Things were not the same. I was not able to trust him. And after four months we chose to move on in our different paths. Actually, he cheated on me again and got married to the same girl, and now they are very happy. I hope.

Before this relationship. I was engaged in 2010, and my fiancé. His name? Does not matter anymore. He cheated on me TOO. He broke up two months before our marriage. And got married to her in six months time. What i fail to understand,is that they spend so many years with me, and took them so much time to talk about marriage forget about getting married. But what shocks me the most is that they don't take time with the other person, they cheat on me and get married to them in no time. 

This is the story of my life, cheating, lies, and heartache. I am sure many people who are single today, will agree with me. This is the story of everyone's solo life.  Sounds so dramatic but that is a fact. I had many relationships, or I can say many forms of relationships. But what counts is that relationship where you talk about the future, family, kids, and so on so forth. In my case, I had two serious long-term relationships. And both ended in a similar way. Cheating!! Always a Girlfriend but never a Bride.

So, I hope you might have got a pretty good idea about the kind of relationships I had in the past. In between these two relationships, I did date. Break Ups never stopped me seeing other men. But none was something I wanted to pursue into any serious relationship. Because? Honestly, I don’t know. You can call those relations as Friends with Benefits.  I feel that the best relationship anyone can have a friend with whom one has an occasional and casual sexual relationship. No commitments, no pressure, no liability. But since we are human, we do tend to fall for that person at some point. So every relationship, we end up with, is all complicated or we make it complicated. But the fact we cant survive in this planet without one, either.

For a moment I do feel heartbroken, but more than that I feel disappointed. By now I should have given up on love. I am sure you will do too, but deep down your lovable heart; you know you want to be loved, cared for, and be forever theirs. So, we just continue our journey to find love. So, we start from scratch. Starting from scratch is very tiring trust me. But it gives you a chance for a new beginning.

And I realized, with a new beginning comes a new opportunity. And I want to grab every opportunity I get.  Cause you never know, which opportunity will knock on your door. Which can change your life for good or the worst. But there is always Hope. That’s who I am today, full of hope and positivity. I turned all my ups and downs into my strength rather than making them my weakness. It made me more determined to find the love of my life and make my own identity in the meantime. I always tell people never say never, believe in yourself, and make it happen.

 

 

Thank you.